heart on fire
by juls-emo
Summary: 'Holding Sherlock for the first time was sublime. I will never forget how small he was and how his tiny hand reached out and tried to hold onto my finger. What happened to us? What has changed you so' warning: drug abuse, implied rape, violence, family drama, angst. Sherlock and Mycroft and their difficult relationship. What made it all so difficult?


Another Mycroft Sherlock Story... Actually I don't know how this came to my mind.. I just couldn't stop writing ...This actually started only as a poem O.o  
please note warnings: drug abuse, rape (implied), violence, family drama, angst  
I don't own BBC sherlock.  
anything else to say? OMG I love those brothers so much I want to hug them all day long xD

Heart on fire

Sherlock POV.

_It is paralyzing me_  
_paralyzing my whole body_  
_knocking the air out of my lungs_  
_and it captivates me_

_It makes me shiver and tremble_  
_It makes my palms sweaty_  
_It makes my stomach clench violently_  
_and I feel sick_

_I feel dizzy, like I might pass out any minute now_  
_somebody – anybody! Please help me!_  
_I can't breath_

_The room is getting smaller_  
_I'm feeling claustrophobic_  
_lost and terrified..._  
_and all my confidence is gone_

_Tears sting in my eyes_  
_Despair and self loathing I have to fight_  
_My veins are burning in an unbearable want_  
_My body convulses under the enormous pain_

_This unbearable want_  
_Desperate for something that makes it stop_  
_Anything that makes my brain go blissfully numb_  
_My body screams for it_

_Trying to hold on to something_  
_anything that might keep me sane_  
_Angry tears run down my cheeks_  
_Can't do it_

_Bliss_  
_deep breaths_  
_no more thinking_  
_and no more agony_

_You will hate me later_  
_I know you will_  
_But right now I'm not strong enough_  
_Right now I can't_

_My eyelids are getting heavier_  
_and blissful quietness is taking over_  
_My whole body goes numb_

''SHERLOCK!''  
''SHERLOCK!''  
w..what?... somebody is screaming ...I'm trying to move but my body feels like it weights a ton. I can't move. My whole body feels so heavy. My eyelids are heavy. My arms, my legs, my head... Everything ... Just so heavy. Colours, everything's turning...  
''SHERLOCK! No... NO! Do not close your eyes! Please stay focused! Do you hear me?''  
The screaming starts again. If I could identify who is screaming and why?  
Did something happen?  
I'm so tired. So tired of everything...  
Will you forgive me?  
''No...NO! Did you reach the ambulance? They should better hurry! God damn it! Give me that phone Lestrade! I don't want a dead brother!''  
''I tried several times... No one's picking up!''  
ahh.. Mycroft... Lestrade... Why are they screaming so much? Dead? I'm not dead... Is something wro...

_Mycroft POV._

I ripped the phone out of Lestrades hand and practically screamed into it.  
Finally someone answered and they told me that they would send somebody as soon as possible.  
''Shit! Mycroft I think he's stopped breathing!''  
Sheer panic gripped my heart when I heard those words from the DI's mouths.  
I dropped to my brothers' side and lowered my face to his pale ones. At the same time I reached for his hand to feel his pulse.  
When I couldn't hear any breathing and felt no pulse. Panic changed into terror.  
No... No... ''No..You can't die! You can't leave me!''  
For the first time in my life I was so terrified that tears stung in my eyes.  
With a desperate afford I stated a cardiac massage and pushed air into his lungs.  
Lestrade moved to my side.  
''Let me...''  
He continued the massage while I continued to push air into my brothers lungs.  
When I looked up, into his dead face, I blinked away angry tears.

Finally, I heard the sirens of the ambulance. After I screamed at them on the phone it probably only took them a few minutes to get here, but to me it seemed like it took them hours.  
I heard the paramedics run up the stairs and rush into the room where I found Sherlock passed out from the overdose.  
''Holmes?''  
''Yes! Finally!''  
''We are Jack and Luke, what happened?'' They shortly introduced them self and swiftly got to work.  
Shortly they tried to get an overview of the situation and one of them rushed out of the room again.  
''Overdose... Probably Heroin... Heart stopped beating... '' breathing was getting hard since I had to breath for two now. But I refused to let you die. I won't permit it.  
''Sir let me continue with the cardiac massage.''  
Lestrade only nodded and moved away.  
''How long since his heart stopped beating?''  
''maybe 2 or 3 minutes...But I cannot be sure... It happened so fast... he just closed his eyes and ...'' The DI muttered.  
''It's alright sir.''  
In that moment the other paramedic came running back into the room.  
''Jack? I got the Defibrillator.''  
''Alright.''  
Defibrillator? I think I'm going to be sick.  
They moved to sit on either side of Sherlocks' body. They ripped his shirt open and while the one prepared the machine, the other prepared my little brother for electric shocks being send trough his body.  
''Loading it... Step away''  
''Go.''  
His body convulsed under the first shock.  
''No puls.''  
''Loading again''  
''Go.''  
This Shock was stronger. My breathing was getting ragged and I felt tears run down my cheeks. I was so terrified. What should I do if they tell me that you won't open your eyes anymore? While I had to watch my little brother fight for his life I thought about our past...

_Flashback_

''Mycroooft!''  
I fell to my knees and felt Sherlock run into my open arms.  
''Where have you been!''  
''In school... Obviously.'' I had to laugh.  
''I don't like school... School is boring.''  
I grinned down at my little brother who was snuggling into my chest.  
He pulled away from me and tugged at my hand.  
''Mycroft you promised me yesterday that you would teach me how to play chess today! Please!''

I remembered when I was allowed to hold my little brother for the first time.  
My mother said to me: 'Mycroft, this is Sherlock. He's your little brother. You are responsible for him now. I want you to protect him and love him.'  
Holding Sherlock for the first time was sublime. I will never forget how small he was and how his tiny hand reached out and tried to hold onto my finger.

I remember his pout and his laughter.  
I remember how I held his small hand in mine.  
I remember his smile.  
I will never forget one moment with him.  
He was such a happy child back then...  
But I also remember his crying when I told him that I had to leave for university.  
I remember the last night that I stayed at the manor.

Sherlock came into my room at night and begged me to stay. That night he was laying beside me and cried himself to sleep.  
When I came home from university for winter holidays something has changed inside him.  
This wasn't my happy smiling baby brother that I left a few months ago.  
He didn't smile anymore.  
His face showed a natural disgust to those around him.  
He looked broken and sad, lost and lonely.  
When I asked him about it he frowned and turned away.

_back to present_

What happened to us?  
What happened to my dear brother? What has changed him so?  
What has driven him away from me?  
Why do I have to sit here and beg god not to take him away from me.  
It was kind of sad but Sherlock was the closest thing to a friend that I had and now I felt the cold grip of fear clinging to my heart.

''GOT HIM!'' One of the paramedics screamed. His scream forced me back to reality.  
''You... you got a heartbeat? He..he's alright?'' My mouth felt unbearable dry and my hands were shaking. ''Got to take him to the hospital right now.''  
I felt Lestrade move up next to me. '' Come, Mycroft I'll drive you to the hospital.'' When he touched my shoulder I felt that he was shaking as well.  
I watched the paramedics put Sherlock on a sick-bed and moved him out of the flat into to ambulance vehicle. In an almost frozen state of shock I watched the ambulance drive off. The sirens and blue lights only sounds and colours. Lestrade came up next to me he pushed a water bottle into my hands. ''Drink. You look like you might pass out any minute.''  
I nodded at him and took the water. Slowly I drank a bit.  
''Thank you... Greg... If you haven't been there...''  
He shook and lowered his head.  
''It's alright.''  
''Greg... Can you please drive me to the hospital now?''  
He looked at me with a sympathetic, sad smile. ''Yes. Of course. Come on.''

With Greg on my heels I rushed into the hospital, I immediately grabbed the first nurse that came our way and demanded to know where my brother was taken.  
After getting the wanted information we practically ran down long hallways to get to the right rooms.  
''There...Mycroft, ask the doctor!''  
''Excuse me, my name is Mycroft Holmes I believe my brother was just taken here. I demand to know where he is and how his condition is! And I don't like to wait!'' I was practically out of my mind. I wanted to know where you were, how you were, and... god help me... If you were still alive.  
After a short pause, probably indicated by a slight shock, he finally opened his mouth to answer. He didn't even had the chance to start talking because another doctor came running down the hallway calling ''Mr. Holmes? Mr. Holmes!''  
I immediately moved towards him ''Yes?''  
''You are Mr. Holmes? May I talk to you for a second?''  
''Yes,yes... my brother was just brought here. I've just arrived here. Please tell me... How is he?''  
He frantically nodded while I explained myself. Then he started to talk ''His condition was critical when he got here but we got him stabilized now. He will be moved to a room and if you would be so kind to fill out the forms you can see him in about 30 or 40 minutes. But I need to make sure that everything is fine with him...''  
I tried to keep my composure.  
My chest was hurting. When the doctor finally turned and left I hid my face behind my hands.  
Taking deep breaths and roughly brushing the tears out of my eyes.  
I felt so relieved. You were alive.  
I moved backwards and fell into one of those horrible uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting area of the hospital.  
Lestrade slowly moved towards me. ''...and?''  
I looked up into his face. He was pale and looked extremely exhausted. He was shaken and scared and I could see that he feared for bad news. ''He's alive.. he.. he's going to be alright. The doctor said I should fill out some forms.. And then I can see him.''  
I saw a wave of relive wash over the DI. ''That's good. Good.'' He also fell into one of the plastic chairs. Silence engulfed us.  
''I've never been so afraid, in my whole life I've never been so afraid before.'' I admitted openly.  
I was staring into nothingness. Fear still had a cold and tight grip on my heart.  
''Please do not think badly of Sherlock... Or me... I love my brother... he is very dear to me. I worry about him. Constantly. He excluded me of his life and I don't know why. That he would go this far... Believe me that I would do everything for him, that I will always protect him no matter how much he protests'' I bit my lower lip ''I failed...''  
''What?'' Greg turned and looked at me.  
''Well let's just say that I won't win 'brother of the year awards'. '' my voice was leaking with sarcasm.  
''Listen Mycroft... I think, well, actually this is really not my business but... I think that when Sherlock wakes up and feels better, you should take him home. You know so you can solve whatever problem you might have and I think that YOU could get him clean as well. If you need any help you now you can call me any time.'' Lestrade spoke very serious and there were lines on his forehead showing his worry.  
I looked down at my hands which were neatly folded in my lap.  
''Yes... I should do that.''  
In that moment a nurse came up to me and explained those forms that I should fill out.  
I started writing and filling out.  
Signing on the bottom.  
Finally half an hour later the doctor came back. I saw him from afar and immediately got up to walk towards him.  
''Mr. Holmes. You can go and see your brother now. Currently he is asleep.''  
''Thank you doctor. Which room?''  
''Room 307, second on the right. ''  
Swiftly I moved down the long corridor towards room 307. Towards Sherlock. Towards my little brother. Finally I stood in front of the door. Frozen I stood there. Unable to open it. Just a second ago I was so eager to get here. To see him. Now I didn't know what to do with myself. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly I pushed the door open and went inside.  
I closed the door behind me and walk to his bed.  
I saw that he was breathing through a breathing machine and in the background I heard the constant beep of the heart monitor.  
I took one of the spare chairs in the room and moved them next to his bed so I could sit down close by his side.  
I looked at his face. So much paler than usual. He looked fragile.  
Tenderly I took his hand in mine and with my other hand I was holding my head.

I must have fallen asleep.  
Because when I opened my eyes I felt my head resting on something soft. I lifted my head a bit and immediately regretted it because my neck was hurting from the horrible position I fell asleep in. My head must have fallen forward onto your bed while the rest of my body somehow remind in a very weird sitting position. While my left hand never let go of your completely still lying hand, I tried with my other one to get the tension out of my neck.  
While doing so I realized that Greg has moved into the room and also fell asleep in one of the chairs. He had pulled his coat tightly around himself and had his eyes closed. His face gave the impression of being relaxed. Well... At least one of ...  
''Sherlock?''  
Again... I was so sure of this. I felt a twitch of his fingers in my palm.  
Intently and with much concern I kept my eyes fixed on his face.  
''Sherlock can you hear me? Please... Please, Sherlock, please open your eyes..''  
I felt his fingers tighten their grip on my hand ever so lightly.  
''I'm here, I'm here Sherlock. Please open your eyes. Greg! Greg! Wake up get the damn doctor here!''  
''Hmm.. Wh.. What? What's wrong? Something wrong with Sherlock?''  
The DI was up on his feet in a second or two and instantly by my side.  
''I just felt his hand move in mine and maybe... Could you get the doctor?''  
He just nodded and moved swiftly out of the room.  
The moment the door closed and I turned my head back to Sherlocks face I saw how he opened his grey eyes. Really slowly, little by little I saw how my little brothers eyes flickered open.  
For what seemed like an eternity he stared at the white ceiling and then at last he turned his head a bit to look at me. His dark curls wild and dishevelled were framing his face.

The door flew open and Lestrade and the doctor rushed in. The doctor immediately quickly moved to my brothers side to take a closer look at him. ''Mr. Holmes! Mr. Holmes can you hear me? Please nod once for yes,... Very well. Do you think that you can breathe without the breathing machine?... Ok. You might gag a bit, but I will do it as gently as possible.'' I watched silently as the doctor freed Sherlock from the breathing machine.  
Under my observing gaze and that of Lestrade the doctor worked.  
When Sherlock was able to breathe on his own he started coughing violently.  
''Mr. Holmes do you feel dizzy or sick? Do you want to drink something?'' The doctor asked.  
''... A bit dizzy... Water please.''  
Greg moved at once to fetch a glass of water and moved back to Sherlocks bed.  
I took it from him and moved closer to him so I'd be able to help him drink.

The doctor told us that he would come and check on Sherlock again in an hour or so. Lestrade said that he would be outside. Guess he needed a cigarette after all that pretty badly.

''Mycroft?'' His voice was raspy and weak.  
I moved closer to him and looked at him intently. ''Yes Sherlock?''  
'' I'm sorry.''  
''I know.''  
''Mycroft?''  
I tightened my grip on his hand. His hand seemed so small and fragile.  
''Sherlock? Why? Why did you overdose?''  
He turned his head away from me. Again... he never talked to me anymore these days.  
He always runs away from me.  
Never tells me anything anymore.  
Never lets me protect him anymore.  
I failed him in every possible way.  
''You hate me. I know. I don't know why since you won't tell me. Maybe one day you will find it in your heart to tell me the reason. Maybe one day we can find a way to talk about everything. Whatever it is you want to talk about. If you want to scream at me... do it. If you want to punch me or whatever it is that you feel like doing, please do it. But please I'm begging you... don't do this to me, don't turn away from me anymore. Sherlock I can't take this.'' I take in a shuddering breath ''What ever happened that summer when I went to university... Whatever it was that made you turn away from me and made you think that drugs might me the better solution... I'm begging you tell me...''  
I felt his hand slip out of my grip.  
His hands moved to his face and rubbed his eyes. He gritted his teeth and shifted obviously uncomfortable in his bed.  
''I can't tell you. There is nothing to talk about. I'm sorry that you have to worry about me so much. Please let me be.''  
I thought I was in the wrong movie. What the hell was going on?  
''Sherlock would you please tell me what is going on in your head? I'm still your older brother and I think that must count for something.. you know what a feeling that was when Greg and I found you? You have any idea how I felt when your heart stopped beating? Sherlock... I saw how your eyes were closing and I felt your pulse and your breathing stop! I saw my little brother die today! You won't tell me to 'let you be' because I 'let you be' for much too long.''  
In one fluid movement I stood up of my chair and angrily paced the room, absolutely working myself into a furious fit.  
While I furiously walked up and down and went on and on, I watched how Sherlock hesitantly moved his body in a more upright position. He sat there and folded his hand in his lap and kept his eyes locked on them.  
''I can't forgive you... that you left me that summer.''  
Absolutely frozen I stood with my gaze fixed on his face.  
I wasn't able to see his eyes because his head hung low so his eyes were hidden by his dark curly hair.  
''Mycroft... Can you remember your last night at the manor? That night, before you left for university. I asked you to stay... or at least take me with you.''  
I walked back to the chair to sat next to Sherlocks bed. ''Yes I remember.'' I laid my head on my shoulder. A sad smile danced across my lips. ''In the morning I even asked mommy if I could take you with me... But she said no.''  
Sherlocks head shot up and our eyes locked in a firm gaze. ''You truly did that? Mommy has never said anything about it.'' I smiled at him. Of course she didn't. She was always overly protective of Sherlock.  
His face suddenly took a pained look. His eyebrows drawn together, his eyes were even shimmering with tears. His hands were clenching the sheets tightly but still I could see that they were trembling.

I waited patiently I waited for him to start. I didn't know what to expect. But whatever he would have to say I would listen to him.  
''Have you never ...'' his breathing grew erratic ''have you never wondered why father and I didn't get along?'' I was a bit confused where this conversation was going. Why did he start with our father now? ''Well you two never really got along so well. I guess that he wanted you to be more social, more interested in politics and so on... You know how he was... He was a military man, stubborn, straight forward,... strict. Excuse me if I ask why he is relevant in any way for our conversation?''  
''Yes... Well because after you left there were some things going on at the manor...''  
In his eyes I saw the same emptiness I saw when I came home for winter break in my first semester at university.  
''Sherlock I still don't understand. Something happened between you and father?''  
The silence that engulfed us was killing my nerves.  
What could have happened that could still be having such an effect on him.  
He stared at me with pleading, sad and desperate eyes.  
Something happened between them with that he had trouble telling me.  
Something that still haunts him.  
''You were fighting...'' I started. I was trying to get some information out of him.  
He nodded.  
''Often?''  
''On a daily base.''  
''About what? ''  
''Practically everything. As soon as my mouth opened he was getting so worked up that he...''  
he stopped talking. So I continued ''... so that he... screamed,... '' It was quiet for a moment ...When it dawned on me. No I couldn't believe where this conversation was going. I begged god that I was wrong. ''Did he hit you Sherlock? Did he touch you in any way?'' I felt my body tremble in fear. Fear, hate, agony. Fear for my little brother, hate against anybody who dare to hurt him, agony because I feared that that already happened... agony because of my inability to protect him.  
He opened his mouth but no words came out.  
His breathing was ragged and under the black curls I saw tears running down his cheeks.  
''I can't... '' a desperate sob racket itself from his throat and his clenched the sheets tighter. ''He said that if I told you... you would hate me.''  
I was perplexed, left speechless.  
This wasn't just about some slaps on the cheek this was something completely different. More complex. I looked for composure and moved closer to him.  
''I won't push you to tell me what actually happened... but how on earth could you ever think that I, Sherlock, that I of all people could ever hate you? I'm your brother and no matter what I will always love you.''  
Silence was captivating us again.  
''Thank you Mycroft...'' His breathing was more regular now and with the back of his hand he wiped over his face. ''I never told you because I don't want you to be disgusted with me... I'm disgusted with myself and that's enough... When you left the manor I found out about fathers affairs and that he started drinking again. Every Friday he would depart at exactly 5 pm sharp and return at half past 10. When he returned he was always very drunk and somehow stumbled up the stairs, how no one noticed him I don't know... Well... The first time he came into my room and yelled at me... because he was angry that I found out about his affairs and so on... He was so extremely drunk that night it was disgusting. He then ... '' I was terrified of the rest but he went on ''... he ripped my sheets away and my... clothes...'' I barely heard the last word. ''I never felt so much pain. Never in my whole life. The other times when he wasn't so drunk... I was lucky when he at least thought about lube...'' In shame he lowered his emotionless, careless, empty gaze to his delicate hands.

I was left without words.  
The other times... What was that supposed to mean?  
I felt so sick... In my head all that what was said went in a mixture with the memories of my lovely baby brother. That sweet little boy, who came running into my arms, laughing, smiling, and joking with me. He was my beloved little brother, who was sharing his deepest most delicate secrets and dreams with me alone. There, in the shadows of the big trees of our gardens.  
And those horrible images of our fathers' sweaty, fat and ugly body on top of my 13 year old brother taking his virtue, his innocence, will now always hunt me. His delicate, lovely fragile body under those monstrous hands... violated.  
The bitter taste of bile was in my mouth and my hands were trembling with rage and want for revenge.  
My whole body was on fire.  
My heart was pounding so fast. Swiftly I got up from the chair and with hurried steps I started walking up and down in the hospital room. I was trying desperately to calm down. Rage... rage was blinding my every thought.  
''Mycroft?''  
I tried to breathe normal before answering him.  
Gently I reached out for his face and caressed his cheek. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead.  
''I told you before. Nothing could ever make me hate you. Thank you for telling me the truth... I always thought that you hated me... or that were angry with me... I can't believe that I never saw a thing... That I never realized! I can't believe that he made you believe that you couldn't come and talk to me anymore! Why didn't anyone realize? God! Why didn't Mother say anything? Didn't she realize at least?''  
Sherlock was definitely trying to end this conversation by looking away and trying to turn away from me. ''Sherlock! Are you trying to tell me that our Mother knew about this? All those years she knew about this and never did anything against it? My god!''

'' We were both so terrified of him. She.. she doesn't know the complete truth...She took care of me after he was in one of his rages... She doesn't know about the r..ra..''I took him into my arms. I held his skinny frame close to me. He pressed his face to my chest. I felt tears soak my shirt. My hands stroke his back, one of them tenderly caresses his head and combs through his unruly dark curls. I felt him cling to me for dear life. I always hoped to be closer to my brother again. But I wished the circumstances were different.  
''You don't have to say it...'' I press my face into his hair and close my eyes. I press a kiss to my brothers head. Slowly I pull away. ''So she thinks that you got beaten up pretty badly... Alright.''

Silence fell over us once more.  
I didn't know what to say anymore.  
How do you continue a conversation after finding out that your brother was raped by your own father, the man that you always respected and looked up to.  
''You don't have to say anything...'' Sherlock whispered. I guess he knew that I was at loss of words.  
Softly I nodded.  
''I was so angry all those years that you left me alone. And I was angry that when you came back to the manor he acted like nothing ever happened. He acted like his usual self... well ignoring me, being an ass to me and being extremely proud of you. Just his usual ignorant self. But as soon as you left for university it all started again. But... There is something else. Something about me and mommy. Something that we haven't told you. '' He watched me intently while speaking calmly. His gaze never left mine. But I realized that his hands were trembling.  
''Something else?'' I asked. ''Whatever it is you know that you can tell me.'' I steadily answered.  
''Ok... Well, do you remember that one summer, when I was 15? Your semester wasn't quite over and you were quite busy with exams. Mommy called you that our father died. She said cause was a heart attack? When you came home she was already busy with the funeral.''  
''Yes of course I remember. I guess that it wasn't a heart attack then.''  
He nodded.  
''I see. What did happen?''  
He looked at me with huge eyes and I saw that he started biting his lip.  
Immediately I took his hand in mine and waited for him to find his composure to continue.  
''He came home and was extremely drunk. I was in my room that night. I heard him downstairs. Well it was hard not to hear him. He was roaring and screaming around like a mad man. I was scared that he might come up and do something to me again so I locked the door and hid under the bed. I heard him come up the stairs and he was trying to open my door. Since it was locked he wasn't able to open it. I guess in his drunken state he lost interest and left pretty soon. But I didn't think about the consequences of my actions of simply locking a door... I just thought of how scared I was when I heard him downstairs.'' He stopped speaking for a moment and I stared at him. I was bewildered by the things that happened at home when I was absent.  
'' I waited for a few moments and then I heard mommy screaming. I also heard him screaming. He was calling her all sorts of names. I didn't even wait one more second. I opened the door and run to his private library... You know the top drawer where he kept his revolver? I took it and run to mommies' bedroom where I saw her laying unconscious on the floor. Under her head was already a small puddle of blood. I... I shot him.''  
My eyes were wide open and my mouth was hanging wide open.  
I was speechless.  
''What happened then?''  
''Well I called the police and an ambulance. I was worried because of mommies' condition. When they finally arrived mommy and I had to tell them everything and all accusations against us were dropped. Mommy decided then to move on with the funeral. We also decided not to tell you anything. Not spoil the image that you always had of him.''

I took in a shuddering breath.  
''Is that the whole truth? I mean.. The whole story?''  
He nodded again.  
''Alright.''  
''Alright?''  
''Yes.''

We both nodded and a silent understanding was exchanged between us that all was said and done and that we didn't have to talk more about this than necessary.  
I understood that the past cannot be changed but I will work on our future.  
I will do whatever it takes to ensure your future safety.  
This is what I solemnly swear.  
I may have failed in the past but I will not fail again.  
I took your hand in mine and looked at your face.  
''Never again. I will never fail you again Sherlock. Promise me, no more secrets between us.''  
He squeezed my hand tightly. His gaze fixed on the white hospital sheets.  
In a quiet voice he responded ''Promise.''  
I managed a weak smile.  
''Thank you.''

I heard the door open.  
When I turned around I saw Greg peak inside. He slowly moved closer to the bed and weakly smiled at Sherlock.  
''Lestrade.'' My brother let go of my hand and looked at the DI.  
''Hey. How are you?'' Greg was seemingly relaxed now that Sherlock was awake.  
''Better... Thank you.. Well you know for saving me and everything.''  
''Please don't mention it.'' He shook it off. ''Just... Just don't do it again. It was pretty nasty.''  
Sherlock looked down at his hands. But after a second of collecting his thoughts he looked at me. His eyes were absolutely clear and his face showed a strange kind of tranquillity and concern. ''No, I won't do it again. I have no more reason for that.'' He turned to Lestrade again but his words were for both of us. ''I want to get clean.''  
I felt a rush of adrenalin and ease.  
Lestrade looked stunned ''Really? That's brilliant! Are.. Are you serious?''  
''Yes. I took it because I wanted to forget and to keep my mind numb. But now, there is no more reason for that.'' He turned to look at me again. ''You are not angry with me, are you?''  
Suddenly I didn't see a 28 year old man but rather my 7 year old baby brother in front of me.  
My baby brother, who did something foolish and asked for my forgiveness.  
I shook my head. ''No.'' I tried desperately to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. ''No, I'm not angry. Oh Sherlock..'' I took him into my arms.

It was getting late and Sherlock was still weak so we let him sleep. Greg and I were retreating and moved to sit in the waiting area. We got ourselves some coffee and while we were sitting there and sipping on our hot drinks a comfortable silence was engulfing us again.  
He was clearing his throat.  
I looked up into his face.  
''I just wanted to say that whatever you two talked about today I'm glad that you were able to solve your difficulties. I really am. It seems that he's already feeling better.''  
I smirked and took a sip of my coffee.  
''So you were listening? You are probably the closest thing of friend that Sherlock has. Well next to me. So I'm not angry. I trust you completely and I also hope that when I'm not available that I can trust the protection of my brother in your competent hands.''  
''I didn't hear all of it. Thank god for that because the little that I heard was enough for getting the picture. Of course you can trust me with that. I think that after tonight we are both changed and probably we both will be more than a bit over protective of Sherlock in the future.''

''Thank you Greg.''  
''Don't mention it.''

_Some years later..._

_Lestrades POV_

Ring...Ring...Ring  
''Hello?''  
''Mycroft?''  
''Ah, Hello Greg! What can I do for you?''  
''Mycroft? There is a guy... John Watson. Doctor, actually an army doctor. He appeared at the crime scene today with Sherlock. Do you know anything about him?''  
''What? John Watson? I never heard anything about him before. What was he doing with Sherlock?''  
''I don't know... But I'm going to keep my eyes on this guy.''  
''Thank you Greg.''  
''Sorry Mycroft, I have a lot of work, need to run. We are going to keep in touch. ''  
''Yes of course. Bye.''  
''Bye.''

Weird. Mycroft doesn't know anything?  
Who the hell is that guy?  
And what the hell does he want with Sherlock?  
Well I'm sure as hell going to keep him under observation.  
And I'm sure that after that phone call Mycroft will move all the wheels to get all data about that guy. Since that night at the hospital Mycroft and I became rather over protective.  
But seriously, I think that Sherlock doesn't really mind too much.  
I think that he secretly enjoys all the attention that Mycroft gives him. And I'm so sure that he enjoys all the cases that I give him to keep him occupied.  
Yeees, well we spoil him a bit. But what's wrong with that? I had to smile at my weird thoughts.

_Mycroft POV._

Captain Dr. John Hamish Watson.  
One older sister, Harriet. Alcoholic. They probably have a difficult relationship.  
Hmmm. Mother and Father died when he was 12.  
He just returned from Afghanistan.  
Ah, he got a therapist. Might be useful.  
I scrolled down on the information sheet that Anthea sent me not even ten minutes ago and read on.. He was looking for a ''flatmate''.  
And so he found my brother.  
Sherlock as a flatmate?  
Interesting.

I smirked.  
Well I think I might have a little chat with Dr. Watson.  
Oh I know... big brothers can be so annoying.  
''Anthea? Please cancel all my other appointments. I need to meet someone. Would you like to come with me?'' The smirk never leaves my face.  
When the young woman enters my office she also has a wicked smile on her face.  
''Of course Mr. Holmes. Your car is already waiting outside. Your appointments are cancelled and Dr. Watson is under observation. Something else?''  
''Good girl. So, let's go. I think I need to have a chat with this army doctor. We don't want any inappropriate people in my dearest brother surroundings.''  
Her grin got even more wicked and with a little chuckle she quietly says ''You will scare this poor man to death won't you?''  
''Oh! Maybe just a bit you know how I am.'' I chuckle and together we are leaving the building to get into separate cars.  
That's how we do things.  
Quick and quietly.

-end

sooo that's it. well as I said before I have no clue how this came to my mind but I just couldn't stop writing... will you tell me what you think? *.*


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